Welcome to a truncated Top 9 of the David Letterman's
Top Ten List (more or less)(and maybe including 
rejected jokes) 

*******************************



         
        it's the Top Four List for February 17, 1999
        as presented by West Point Cadet Lt. Gavin Woody 

        Top Four Old Punchlines All West Point
        Cadets Must Know
         
        9.
          "One to hold the bulb and two to hold the ladder,
          sir!"                 
        5.
          "But at least I'll be sober in the morning, sir!" 
        4.
          "And boy are my arms tired, sir!"              
        1.
          "Okay, you're a cab, sir!" 


*********************
  Queeks and Boobs discuss the shape of the universe 


   Queeks, I think the nature of the universe needs
   to be reexamined.  

   Right, Boobs, sure.
   
   Queeks, if the universe is expanding (as according
   to the big bang theory) it may be looked at in (at
   least) two sort of similar but ultimately very 
   different ways.  In one model, one can think of the
   universe as a balloon with dots on it which is 
   expanding.  In the other model it can be thought of 
   as a large, mostly empty barrel in which a point
   of matter explodes outward toward the edge.  I 
   believe that the first model is the accepted one,
   but some people confuse the two concepts.

   Uh, not me, Boobs... I think.    
    
   In the first model space is expanding; in the 
   second, matter is exploding in space.  Queeks, it 
   may be that people are confusing the expansion
   of matter in space with the expansion of space 
   itself.  If the universe itself is expanding 
   independent of the blobs of mass in it, then the 
   effects of gravity shouldn't affect it except for
   the bending and black hole type effects.  Basically 
   the universe may have its size and shape independent 
   of the mass, except for possibly dimples and other 
   subtle effects.

   Boobs, that would mean that a steady state theory would 
   have to account for space effects as well as gravity
   and mass effects.  Hmmm.

*******************

       it's the Top Four List for February 23, 1999 

        Top four of ten Least Popular Grammy
        Categories
                 
        9.
          Best Anything By Anyone Other Than Celine

          Dion 
        8.
          Best CD To Use As A Coaster For A Can Of
          Beer                     
        3.
          Best New Artist Who Will Be Relegated To The
          Ash-Bin Of Obscurity By August                 
        1.
          Song Most Likely To Be Turned Into Muzak 

******************
         From Wahoo, Nebraska, 
         it's the Top Two List for March 2, 1999 

         Top Two of Ten Least Beloved Dr. Seuss Classics
                 
        7.
         "Thidwick The Big-Hearted Moose Is Shot By
         Charlton Heston"               
        3.
         "If I Have To Write One More Rhyme I'm Gonna
          Whack Somebody" 
                 
*********************
         Top Seven List for March 22, 1999
           Top Seven of Ten Things Shakespeare Would Say If
                             He Were Alive Today
          
          X
            "I think the plays read much better in the Cliff's
             Notes version." 
          X
            "Indoor plumbing rules!" 
          X          
            "What I really want to do is direct." 
              
          8.
            "I got ideas for three new plays just by watching
                      Jerry Springer." 
          7.
            "Even I think 'Saving Private Ryan' is a much
            better movie than 'Shakespeare In Love.'" 
          6.
            "I'm gonna go hang out at Barnes & Noble and
            pick up chicks in the theater section." 
          1.
            "Dave, wherefore is thy number one never
             funny?"


***************
  Warm Lilies Keeping Beetles Warm?  Apparently, yup.

  According to Creation Magazine 21(1) December 1998-
  February 1999 refering to an article in the Sunday 
  Telegraph, February 8, 1998. p.19, it seem that 
  certain plants are thermogenic (able to heat them-
  selves up).  These plants live in the mediterranean 
  and tropics.  Botanists have believed that the 
  plants use heat to help spread their scent.  But 
  now it seems that they are doing it to attract 
  pollinating insects.

  Recent measurements show that they can keep their
  temperatures around 35 degrees centigrade (about 
  95 degrees farenheit).  Which happens to be in
  exactly the right temperature range for the 
  muscles of flying beetles.  Energy demands 
  decrease a lot if the beetles can spend the 
  night in a warm spot.

  For example the dragon lily has a two foot wide 
  flower that opens up in the morning to reveal its 
  interior.  It then starts to step up the heat 
  giving off a nauseating stench which experts 
  (editor's note: it's good to have experts) des-
  cribe as "reminescent of dead cats"

  After a few minutes the flower is crawling with 
  all manner of flies and carrion beetles.  Some
  of these fall into the flower's inner chamber, 
  coating the female parts with pollen.  They are 
  stuck there for hours until the plant cools and 
  they can escape, carrying male pollen with them.

  The match of the temperatures and also the match 
  of the beetles' heat needs with the plant's heat
  seems to suggest a relationship. 




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