Welcome to a truncated Top 8 of the David Letterman's
Top Ten List (more or less) for January 6, 1999 
(and maybe including rejected jokes) 

*******************************



           

              Top Nine of Ten Depressing Thoughts Your Dog Has
               10.
                 "I haven't felt as attractive since that doctor
                  surgically removed my sex organs." 
               
                8.
                 "I'm 63 years old and my name is 'Waffles'." 
                7.
                 "What if the computers at Alpo can't handle the
                  Y2K bug?" 
                6.
                 "If I ever catch the idiot who invented 'fetch'
                  I'm gonna bite his arm off." 
                5.
                  "You're serving me Cycle 5? Oh, just put me to
                   sleep already." 
                x.           
                 "What if Bob Barker moves in next door?" 
                x.
                 "So I've lived 14 years, but I'm actually 98?                  What the er heck?" 
                x.
                "That dog Clyde down the street, same age as
                       me, was just diagnosed with heart worms." 



                     
*******************



          From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, 
          it's the Top Ten List for January 8, 1999 

          Top Five of Top Ten Ways The NBA Can Get Their
                                 Fans Back
          10.
            If fans don't buy tickets, Shaq makes another
            movie. 
           9.
            40% more groin pulls! 
           5.
            Players go to homes of season ticket holders to
            change out-of-reach lightbulbs. 
           3.
            Here's a thought--how 'bout someone other than
            the Bulls winning once in a while? 
           x.                   
            Instead of jump ball, two centers fight it out in a
            colorful phony wrestling match. 
**********


           From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, 
           it's the Top Ten List for January 20, 1999
                    
           Top Six 0f Ten Changes They're Making To Sesame
                                    Street
           10.
              Steinbrenner buys neighborhood and moves it to
              Jersey 
            9.
              In a very special episode, Grover develops a severe
              case of static cling 
            8.
              Instead of the letter "B," show now brought to you
              by Budweiser 
            7.
              Oscar the Grouch has new roommate in garbage can:
              Tony the Mob Corpse          
            5.
              Bill Gates comes on to teach kids the number 55
              billion             
            3.
              Newest furry creature -- Willie Nelson 
                

********************
SELF-SHEARING SHEEP?? WHAT NEXT?
Popular Science, January 1999

  An article in the January issue of Popular Science 
tells of the "world's first shear-less wool harvesting 
process" invented by Australian scientists.  The new 
technique uses a "naturally occuring protein" that 
causes sheep to shed their fleece. Sheep are injected 
with the protein and then fitted with a net to catch 
the wool.  One week later the sheep sheds its wool.  
The protein level returns to normal and the sheep 
start growing wool again.  The process has been tested
on 15,000 sheep over a period of seven years. 

*******************
Wed July 29.1998 Roy Rivenburg, L.A. Times

    Creative Lawyering Department: A man who was charged 
 with stealing $254 worth of goods from a pharmacy in 
 Reno has successfully argued that one of the cologne 
 bottles he swiped was on sale, thus making it a $248.16 
 theft, which is $1.84 below the cutoff for felonies, 
 and  so now he is charged with a misdemeanor, according 
 to Chicago columnist Zay N. Smith.
*******************



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